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So, I figure the last post was filled with some major emotion. If you never let it out, you explode (right Dylan? :) This is just a little note to keep all y'all updated since I have to go to yet another service project in a few minutes. I finished my choir auditions! I'm a natural alto, so I thought the alto part would be amazing, and I would have trouble with the high notes. Turns out, I did AMAZING on the soprano, and totally messed up the Alto. Oh well, it happens. I really don't think it was graces material, but I not sure. There is a chance, but I'm not counting on it or anything. The funnest part had to be waiting in the hall though.

Jessica! I want my hairband! It's being infected by Austins germs!


Boys don't have cooties! (Nate of course)

When I came out from auditioning, Jessica had managed to get the evil hairband stuck on the brick wall 7 feet above us. Dylan tried his flip flop. Nada. I had a moment of genius when I mentioned the music stand. Anyway....great, nerve-racking, day.





♥♥

Today

Today
I laid on the fresh, thick spring grass.
My arms and legs flailed in strange positions,
the sun just barley kissing my face,
the slightest bit of a breeze running though my hair.
I could hear the echo of the screams around me,
it was merely background music.
I thought.
About life.
About my A.P. Test on Thursday
About my family, and their recent struggles.
About love.
About how sometimes I have a surge of Independence.
About growing up. and not knowing what's coming, or how to deal with it.
About why I can't find a guy who likes me for who I am.
About my job.
About how much everyone in this world has such a profound effect on each other.
And as I was thinking about this, a single tear rolled down my cheek, onto the grass.
And as I'm writing this, I'm crying.
And I don't know why.

Kung...Pow

I, in my infinite wisdom, have recently discovered something. When you read, (especially for me, because I am a reader, and have been since I was just a wee tot) it flows. It's magical the way a book can take over your mind. Like watching a movie, only better. The biggest thing I've learned over the past few months, is that writing isn't the same. The story might flow when you read it, but the smoother it is, the harder it was to write. I've always assumed the authors can just pump stuff out, for hours and hours, without actually thinking too hard about it. I guess there are a few, I mean, babysitters club can't have been too hard. But really, Jane Austen didn't write Pride and Prejudice in one night. Amazing writing takes time, thought, and lots of pain.

So....

I love my job. Most of the time. The actual "work" part is easy. Sit in a large chair, watch kids swim. Yeah. BUT... everybody knows it's the social environment the makes the job. Actually, it really has been going very well in that sense. I've made tons of friends, and as if that's not enough, a few heartthrobs too (LOL!) Summer is going to be awesome, mainly because half of my ward is working at the pool. I honest to goodness have the best ward in the world. The other day, the youth were doing a service project fixing up some yards that needed it, but for some reason or another, couldn't do it themselves. One of the houses was for sale, and there was a "new couple" looking at it. The house was nice, but it was our ward that sealed the deal. They made an offer that day. Crazy. But anyway...back to the pool deck. Me, Morgan, Bree, Parker, Karlie, Katie (and Diana for until the end of May), It's going to be crazy, but that's nothing new to my ward. Go 15tinnies!

Next Year...I'm getting way ahead of myself now, oh well. I really don't know what to do about my schedule. I'm so confused. I'm taking early morning seminary, that's a given. I was going do the whole "swim team" thing, but I just don't know. The meeting is May 21st, so I better decide, but I'm stuck.

PROS

I love to swim

It would cover my PE credit

The swim teamers at Taylorsville are awesome!

Swimmer Guys :)

CONS

Would add craziness to my already hectic life

I'm not fast

A certain swimmer guy... :(

I would be tired all the time

Yeah, you get the idea. Next year I'll also be in FBLA, FCCLA, Choir (Graces?), and on the Newspaper Staff (uuuuuuu?) Maybe. Maybe I'll just move to Zimbabwe. Maybe Not. Hmmmmmmmm...

Dealing

Sometimes in life, there's this thing you have to deal with called disappointment. Today, I would like to call my disappointment Bob. (I would call it S*%#@&*, but that would give it away, wouldn't it? Oopsy)
Dear Bob,
I strongly dislike you. (No hatin'). I did like you, for a long time actually (like 4 years actually). It was more than that though, I really looked up to you. You weren't like every other guy, you were sweet and kind of quiet. Then, you started caring what people thought. That's bad Bob, really bad. Today I saw you do something I never wanted to see, but it happened. Well good luck with life, because I will never see you the same way again.

My next disappointment I will call "Fred"
Dear Fred,
I've wanted you so bad for so long. I was ready for you today, but thanks to "Bob", I just wasn't up to it. Someday. The girls who got you deserved it though, they sounded amazing!

My last disappointment I will call "Maestro" (A bit self-explanatory yes?)
Dear Maestro,
I really wanted this. It was important to me, but like so many other things, counting on others to help me didn't work. This was supposed to be special, not just another 500 words. Oh well.

I try to keep a smile on my face, but during days like these I just want to scream. I don't have anybody to talk to, and I don't like it. If I explode, don't let Bob come to my funeral. Please. Being a downer about all this isn't really going to help me. Just gotta get through the last month of school :(