Twitch

Bad inevitably follows good.

That's just the way life works I guess.

I kind of had an empty day.

Like when your five years old and your neighbor breaks the brand new walkie talkies you got for Christmas.

Or when the chocolate milk is gone.

Or two weeks into September when you realize you've got 8 1/2 more months.

Ho Ho Ho.

Oxygen is mandatory

So today...
great day.

Taylor and Austins baptism...spectacular. Really, you could just see that they were happy. I love those boys and I love that they found something to hold on to. It's crazy to see the transformation from last year to now. Crazy.

Also, I found my lost car key which saved me about $200 and a lot of unnecessary pain.

And, Tanner was a good date.

Plus, I got cheese fries.

My life is complete :]

The Lightbulb.

Today was a spectacular day on so many levels.
Not just because I had a great day at work...
Not just because I got fries from Arctic Circle
Not just because I have a date on Saturday
[Although these are ALL huge factors]

But because it finally hit me today.
The A-HA! moment that everybody always talks about.

I almost didn't go to seminary. I was exhausted, it was snowing, and the last thing I wanted to do was get out of my toasty little pajamas. But I did. I walked into seminary 15 minutes late, but the second I did, something hit me. It was so peaceful, so warm (not quite as warm as my fuzzy slippers though. Turns out the lesson was singing hymns, just singing. In case you don't know me, you should know that I LOVE hymns. Almost more than hot chocolate :] haha...So we start to sing Hymns about the savior, and it hit me.

I KNOW that my Redeemer lives.

It was the A-HA! moment of a lifetime. I knew that my Redeemer lived before I sang the song, but it hit me in a way I had never felt before. I've been struggling the past few days, and the peace that it brought me was astounding. I would try to describe but I can't. It was my moment. I guess, in a way, everybody needs to have their own 'moment'. I cannot not physically begin to describe what happened to me today, but I wish I could bottle that feeling and hold it in my arms forever.

The Lord knows me PERSONALLY.
Jesus Christ KNOWS everything that I go through, because he's been there.
Peace comes from KNOWING that my Redeemer lives.
I am loved.

Brains.

If my ooey gooey brains could talk, they would sound like this....

BLAHBLAHICKNASTYBLAHOPEOPEOPEBLAHBLAHBLA
HICKNASTYBLAHOPEOPEOPEBLAHBLAHBLAHICKNASTY
BLAHOPEOPEOPEBLAHBLAHBLAHICKNASTYBLAHOPEOPEOPE
BLAHBLAHBLAHICKNASTYBLAHOPEOPEOPEBLAH.

It has been a gloomy, rejection filled, overcast, monday.
I hate mondays.

Finished.

I finished 1984 tonight.
Hated every minute of it.
The whole book was like a giant, black, rain cloud.
And it gave me dirty thoughts.

At his point, Huckleberry Finn is looking pretty tempting.

Over & Out

--Allee

Empty

He sat alone for a day or two
and realized what it was.
Uncovered naked evidence
Fell the useless cause

Cuz nobody's perfect
But does anyone try?
Is the will of life
the strength to die?

Sit and think
and wonder why.
The world is empty and no one tries.

Tries to be happy.
Tries to be met.
Tries to be real.
Tries to forget.

Tries to be honest.
Tries to be loved.
Tries to be more than the trouble they've caused.

The whole worlds quiet with blank thought of day,
and sometimes they wonder what gets in the way.

Written by yours truly.

Sqeals and Giggles

"I love people. They are the grandest creatures."

Last night..where do I begin?

It was Kristen's birthday party, and Alyssa wanted to drive becuase she didn't know where her house was. Okay, fine, I thought. Half and hour later, I was was fairly confused. She wasn't at her house, but she wasn't at my house either. She'd been to my house many a times before, but somehow, she had managed to get lost. Turns out, it was my fault for being DYSLEXIC and telling her MY own address wrong. Silly Allee. Silly Dyslexic Hobo Allee.

So we finally start on our merry way, and I was sure I knew where Kristen lived. As we were driving down the street, I saw Kristens Suburban, and so we pulled over and got out. I was sure NOBODY on earth had a Suburban that looked like Kristens. Really. Positive.

So we go to the front door, and nobody answers. I peek in the window and notice the place is a HEAP. Full of nasty junk, food and boxes. EVERYWHERE. I really can't see Kristen living in a filthy place like this, but NOBODY else could have that suburban. So we call her.

"We're standing outside your door:"

"Ummm...I don't think so"

"YES! We are."

"Well I'm looking out my window"

At this point it finally dawns on us, this is not her house.

Fast Forward.

We get to her house, watch a movie about invisible boyfriends, and just chill.

I think it was Heather? that started truth or dare. It was fun at first...everybody making fools of themselves. It comes Amy's turn and she picks Liz and dares her to kiss Andy.

Ha.
Ha.
Ha.

So Kristen texts him and tells him to meet us at seven eleven. He agrees. A little to quickly if you ask me ;). At first, I'm pretty sure they both just thought it was a huge joke. It was, only it was a joke that we took very seriously :]].

So we get to the gas station, and Jessica and Amy go to pick him up. As they pull up, we being the girls we are, squeal and giggle uncontrollably. Even being in separate cars, they won't look at each other, and Liz doesn't look like she's getting out of the car anytime soon. He gets out and comes to her door, and she still refuses to open it. He does it for her. Suddenly, she bolts. I mean all out runs like a 50 yard track star. Funniest moment of my entire life.

We tried to follow, but of course we lost them. In come the mystery 15 minutes where we have not clue what they really did. HAHA.

Wow.

Squeals and giggles.

Let's hunt for round-a-bouts!

So I really like this guy...haha. Anybody reading this is thinking "what's new?" Actually I've kind of liked this guy for seven months. I should be over it, but some the harder I try, the more focused I am on it. I think it was worst in summer, because I had time to think about it, and analyze it all the time. It's mellowed out a lot, but something is still there. The biggest problem? He's one of those guys "a thousand girls" are in love with. It's not because he's conceited or overly popular though. He's sweet, not to mention a genius. Hmmmph. He either:

1.Has no clue I exist, which is I really don't think should even be an option.

2.Thinks I look like a hobo, and is nice to me because he feels terrible.

3. Couldn't be mean to anybody, and therefore puts up with me.

4.Is really an alien from mars. A very tall alien.

5.Is to shy to say anything, which is unbelievable because he is NOT shy.

6.Is a boy.

7.All of the above.

Boys are confusing. Gah!

I am attempting to win over an "A thousand girl's guy."

Is it even possible?

Content.

For a moment, I'm content.

It never lasts forever,

but now,

I'm happy.

What causes this moment? Where does this sudden burst of pure enthusiasm come from?

For a few minutes, I am happy.

I am the luckiest.

Books

I love books more than food.

I love books more than sleep.

I love books more than boys.

I love books more than brushing my teeth.

As of today, my new dream in life is to own a book store. It will have huge comfy chairs and free Godvia Dark Hot Chocolate. And Frank Sinatra singing. Not live of course.

Books= <3

The Llama Song.

It's been stuck in my head for 48 long hours. Turn off my music on my sidebar before you listen to it. If you dare.

Frustrated.

Today I was frustrated, and I'm not sure why. It was nobodies fault really, sometimes I just want to bite peoples heads off. Here's my list of hate and frustration:

BOYFRIENDS. Who ever came up with the stupid idea anyway?

Journalism, and the people therein.

Money. Always money.

Seminary. Or lack thereof. My alarm clock did not go off for the second day in a row. So what if I'm one of those 'Molly Mormon' girls. I love seminary, and going without it for two days in a row SUCKS.

Sweatshirts. I'm wearing one, and it makes me look like a hobo.

People who don't pay attention to me.

People who pretend to pay attention to me.

My non-sopranoness.

Okay, I think I'm going to need anger management or something. This whole thing is terrible negative, but I had to get it off my back.

The End.

Relationships.

This is a frustrating topic to me. Why do relationships change so much? I'm not just taking about romantic relationships, but that's a big part of it. I guess it's just because we grow up. We change, we learn, and we become different. I'm not saying it's bad, just hard.
Romantic relationships in High School are constantly changing, and I always have this voice in the back of my head that tells me it's going to be like this when I get married. Not that I'm ready to get married or anything, just seeing people get divorced all the time, it's like "why can't you just work out you're differences?". It makes the whole idea of marriage fairly unappealing.
Relationships with others are just the same. People come and go, but some leave you with impressions.
Family. I hate losing. At five-thirty in the morning yesterday, my Grandma called. I was the only one up, and as I looked on the caller ID and saw it was her I knew it was something bad. I couldn't answer it, so I just stood looking at it until it stopped ringing. I woke up my father and had him call her back. My grandfather was in the ER, and they didn't know what was wrong with him other than that he was in a lot of pain. A few words my father said as he climbed back into bed hit me with a terrible gut wrenching nausea. "I've already lost a sister this year." he said, and it scared he to the core. I don't know if I could handle losing an aunt and a grandfather. Also, I know that if my grandfather passes that my grandma won't last long. They're too old, just not in great health. as it turned out, it was four kidney stones. Not life threatening, just painful. Still, I worry that he doesn't take care of himself.
Friends. I can honestly say that I have the best friends ever. That sounds so corny, but I love them to death. It's not perfection that makes a great friendship, it's the getting lost and the cheese fries. The crazy laughing and the tears. My friends know exactly how to help me when I'm down, which I try not to be, but it happens. Also, losing friends. Growing apart is hard, to say the least. There are people who I grew up with that I haven't said a word to in three years. It seems s strange how we change. One of my best friends in elementary turned a bit 'emo' and so all the sudden we don't talk anymore. It's not like I'm judging her, we just don't. Of course there's the growing closer too. People you've known forever, but never talked to and all the sudden it's high school and you have classes together. Instacal friendship.

I'm doing good. I feel like I have my life settled down now to a point where I can enjoy just being me. I still do a lot of homework, but in my spare time I've been writing and have a new-found love for piano. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle. Sometimes it seems like the world is fighting my every footstep, but I know that I can fight right back. Growing up is hard. Losing is hard. Life is hard. If it wasn't, it would be pretty boring.

Musician.

The past few days, something has really been bugging me. I mean really. For the past 7 years, I've played the piano. It's never been a huge thing, just something that I enjoy. I don't think I'll ever be able to play half as well as my friends, but I still love it. Anybody can practice hard and play the piano. Unless you were born deaf, honestly, if you put hard work into it, you WILL be able to play. Now here's what bugging me. While anybody can play the piano, there are people who have a gift. Anybody can play music, but it takes a gift to be a musician. I know I have that gift. It's silly really. Most people don't know I play the piano or guitar, and those who do never hear me, not because I'm shy but because I'm undedicated. I could do so much with it, but I just let it slide. I like to pretend I don't have a gift, for reasons unbenonced to me. If you know me, you know I do it all the time. The Young Woman's leaders didn't even know I played piano until I'd had been in there for four years. I am a musician. I breath music. Sometimes my head is a giant white room with an invisible symphony. I always hear it, and It doesn't just stop. Today I was sitting in the back room playing the piano, and finally I understood. I'm never going to be able to play like Tisha, Liz or Shawnee, but I'm going to dedicate myself to it. Music.

Weerd.

I don't sleep enough that's for sure.

Like I have a choice.

Today was a weerd beerd day. Shawnee and I were sitting in math, and she started doing quotes with her fingers everytime she said something. Naturally, I had to do it to. Naturally. It got a little out of hand.

"My quotes are gunna eat your quotes! Rawr!"

We also had a nasty history test, which I did fairly well on. I hope.
BUT I HATE MINNESOTA!
I got through thirty-nine out of the forty and could not remember Minnesota.
Curse A.P. U.S History.

Quote of the day:
"Liz,you've opened the box of cheerios, and now you have to eat some"