Hollow

I'm hurting. So much. I don't get it. My life almost perfect. Sometimes, I have this emptiness that threatens to overtake me. I was fine the whole day, because I was with people, but suddenly when the people leave, I'm empty. I went to the temple today, with Tisha. It was good, but we were both so quiet. Not awkward silence, but just...thinking silence. I've just had such a rough month, and so has she. The temple made me feel protected from the world, like with the Lord anything was possible. But slowly through the day, it faded. I don't want it to fade. I want it to always be with me. I don't know how though. So hard.

Friends-ship

I honestly think that real friendship isn't just talking, or spending friday nights together. No matter how good of friends you think you are with someone, you don't truly know them, until you admit they have flaws. It sounds terrible, but you can think the world of someone, and they're still not perfect. I'm not a friendship expert or anything, but really knowing and loving someone, anyone for that matter, is recognizing that they're human. Sometimes, you can help, and sometimes you can't. And it hurts. It hurts to watch a person you care about struggle with a problem that's out of your hands, but that's where relationships are formed. There's the flip element too, where you have to work things out on your own, and while you can keep others at arms length, it's a completely personal struggle. Friendship is loving people for their imperfections, and in turn, them loving you for yours. And loving yourself.
and it's unbearable.and it's painful.and sometimes being 17 makes you want to rip your hair out.But it all works out, and we'll look back and laugh.Maybe.

Nearing the end

Today was the day.

After hundreds of hours of studying, I finally finished all of my A.P tests.

And I realized something.

There was a quote on one of the essay question that basically said without adversity, joy never comes. This has been so true of late. I've been through so much, with friends, family, and just everybody around me. Life is tough sometimes, and while I can't complain, for some reason, I still hurt. Not all the time, just sometimes.

But this makes it worth it :)