Becoming...

I feel so funny.
There are so many things that should not be a big deal that are being blown out of proportion.
I'm tired of so many people, even people I never thought I'd get sick of.
Also, Everybody around me has a somebody right now, and I'm not quite fitting the mold. It's almost like the start of junior year all over again, when everybody was in that new relationship stage.

But, tonight was super fun. Fugitive. Ah.

It brought back one of my favorite memories of my fading teenage-Dom.
The summer after sophomore year, the gffr guards would all go play ultimate frisbee. Every Thursday, without fail. I guess that was before I had the friends I have now. It's crazy to think about.

Tommrrow is seth's farewell. It makes me feel old.

Oh, by the way. I'm a quest to be a better person. Emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Today, I ran a 5k, which despite it's tinyness, was a huge step for me.
Also, I'm working on making everyday the best day ever. It's tough sometimes.

Sleepy time.

Potential

Sometimes my days have the potential to be on my "most disgusting days ever" list.

For example...

if it were production week...

and my whole family was on edge...

and all my friends were grumps...

and I was a cramp monster...

and some people in my English class hated me...

and I had to go to work...

and I got so frustrated in math that I wanted to find a time machine and beat the man who founded matrices with a big wooden bat...



But then, I tell myself it could be worse. I could have a bad zit. Or I could be a hairy homeless man trapped on the coast of New Orleans.



And then, all the potential bad things seem really small. This is especially true after I run, or get financial aid money.



So, the moral or the story?



Potentially bad days, can end up being okay.



At least today.

I'm on top of the world.
I'm doing exactly what I want to do.
I'm rushing forward, and trying not to consider what I'm leaving behind.
It's not easy. Sometimes, like today, I sit down and cry not because I'm sad, but because I realize that there are things I can't control.
Like growing up.
I'm a living oxymoron.

Today, I got some news that should have broken my heart, or at least made me a little sad. But, somehow I had the ability to let it go.

That is very un-allee like.

Everything is happening so fast. Wessman told us about the new editor in chief today. It was a whoa moment. I was so there a year ago. I'm not sad to be leaving high school. The past three years have been unbeatable, I'm just ready for something new. However, it will be incredibly hard for me to leave relationships. I've never had to do that before.

Top ten things I'm looking forward to in the next two weeks:

10. Running the 5k
9. Spontaneous
8. GNO!
7. Watching everybody else be in charge of the paper
6. 80 degree weather
5. The return of lunch in the park
4. Running everyday
3. The cheap-o date :)
2. Finishing the last AP English book
1. Being completely free of boy-Dom.

Fizzle

My brain is on the fritz.
If it were a car, it would be sputtering.
If it were a lightbulb it would be flickering.
Today, in third period I found out my journalism portfolio is due in three days. I had emailed the professor before, but he told me they would post it on the website.
They didn't.
I'm flipping.
Also, I have a gigantic to do list, and math is on the top.
I have nothing completed on the list, and I've been working for four hours.

Sputter. Sputter. Die.

It doesn't make sense that I'm a good blogger, but a bad journal writer. It's not that I really want anybody to read this. Actually, when people mention to me that they read something on my blog, it makes me feel funny because in my mind, this is still a little private.

I'm going to work on the journal. A journal is much more of an intimate thing. It's me. Blogging is... Not so much.

Right now I'm reading Alice Walters and Chez Panisse. So good.

It almost makes me wish I was French.