Miracles

Last night as I was driving home from Andy's house, I heard this song playing on the radio. It wasn't a station that I usually listen to, so I had never heard the song before. I don't know why, but these lyrics seemed so powerful.

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

It gave me a lot to think about. I think that sometimes it's human nature to doubt miracles. We attribute miraculous things to luck or chance. I have prayers answered on a daily basis. A miracle can be as extreme as raising the dead, or as small as finding a lost key.

I am so blessed.

"what are you sinking about?"

I've been blogging way too much this month... But sometimes I need to say things. There are so many things going on in my brain, and not enough people with time to listen.

Thoughts, in order:
Disaster of a music theory project
My inability to accept compliments
Math final
Job
Owing Scott ice cream
Utah State
Best friends being rude. Not to me, but to eachother.
A missionary.
Sleep deprivation.
Allee needing a real date.
Musicianship.
My utter lack of charisma.

Today I found a note that I wrote to Tisha last spring but never gave to her. It was so weird to read it and remember in exact detail how crummy that month was. It's surreal. I have a box of special things. Notes, letters, pictures. It's like a time machine. Anytime I want to be an awkward thirteen year old or a love struck fifteen year old, I just go to the box.

I'm ready for life.

Bring it on.

Oh, I got another scholarship today. That makes three :)

Um's.

I feel strange.

There are no tears, and I'm not overwhelmingly happy.

I'm not sad. I'm not angry.

I'm not feeling rushed.

I'm just...

done.

It's like feeling a whole bunch of nothing.

I'm okay with where I'm at.

Fin.

Sleeping on the job

This has been one of the craziest weeks of my life. My body kind of feels like it could fall apart at any given moment. My eyes are sore from ten hours of video editing. I've been out in the cold for the past three hours, doing a service project. Tonight, I want to curl up on the most comfortable couch in the world and watch a few hours of Gilmore Girls.

It's good to have dreams.

Instead, I'll end up with my math book, trying yet again to learn how to graph.

And, I haven't been to the temple in way, way, too long. I was going to go early this morning, but it's hard to get myself up at 5:30 on a saturday with no motivation. Especially when I didn't sleep all night.

As exhausted as I am, I'm pretty happy too. Graduation. Two Weeks. :)

Pain in the arm.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm kind of an annoying person.

Not like a twilight extremist, or a enya fan.

After a long period of time, there's just too much allee.

I'm kind of annoying myself now.

Weird.

ending a legacy.

I wish I could tell the Jordan District that the people I work with have become like a second family to me. Yes, I gained ten annoying brothers that love to tease me, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Shhh. Don't tell.

I wish I could tell them about how a child's face lights up when I they understand how to combine monkey airplane soldier and kicks.

I wish they could understand how scared I was when the first time I had to teach a girl with down syndrome to swim, and how it changed my life a little.

I wish could see a child pull me down four feet and say "Teacher! Guess what I saw today?"

I wish that see the water aerobics ladies that come vigilantly twice a week. Some have for 15 years.

I wish they could understand that for some kids, the only one on one time they get is at lessons.

I wish they could see Kenneth's face when he finally touched the bottom of the pool, at thirteen feet.

I wish they could, just once, hear Kassia say "teacher, I love you a lot. Can you give me a hug?" maybe they'd reconsider.

After being open for more than fifty years, Jordan District is closing the West Jordan Middle School Pool. I understand why, but it doesn't make it easier. It's been a great two years :)

Stumbling at every turn

Of all the things that I thought my senior year would end with, all of my best friends being frustrated with me was not on the list. I've always made a special effort to be the kind of friend that I want to have. These wonderful girls aren't really mad at me (for the most part) they're just kind of tired of me.

It's been a hard few weeks on me. I've felt this weird sense of exclusion. It's not anybody's fault, it's just there. I haven't had a lot of lonely Friday nights in high school, but they've been occurring more frequently. People are doing things, but not people that I know well enough to be invited. It's kind of an anomaly.

But, I'm done with my AP tests, and I got my senior pictures today. I guess my attitude needs a fix.

It's hard though. So, so hard.

I just want my best friends back.

Ah.

My dearest,

I've missed you. It's been a long weekend filled with greasy hot dogs, homework, and bad weather. I hope you haven't felt neglected. Seeing you today was so spectacular. The way you make me feel can't really be described. Whenever I'm around you I get all sweaty and my heart races. I'm so glad we got to spend some time together, even if it was only a half hour.

I love you running.

Allee